Each time you meet awesome guy, he showered affection and you are there thinking the same worst scenario you had in the past or those around you. Those love and kindness they showed make you doubt if it was real or they make it out of the blue when they are bored. Your instinct tells you to push them away and your own mind is telling you that you do not need affection.
Your walls became too high for any man who wants to pursue you. Your awareness that things will end eventually prevent you from completely trust the process because at the back of your mind you comprehend that this too won't last.
Every time someone asked you out for dinner or small talk, you will say you are unavailable and you keep your distant to those who want to be close to you. Then you started to question why you want to conceal how you feel and aren't just open to letting your feelings go. Don't the hill you want someone to be with you, but your system seems to have an automatic response to resist every attempt.
At the back of your mind, you know you are loving and kind. You are a good person deserving for some real love and good intention that a man out there can give. If only you find one. You are aware that there is a high possibility that the good man is also on the look for you, someone who is kind and loving. The man who is also searching for just like you for a long time too.
While other man gives an excuse of why they couldn't be with you or not hang out with you anymore, you tried to hide feeling sorry for yourself. You tend too much on the wound that a wrong guy gives you because you do not see that they are giving you favor. A wrong guy may do this because he does not want to take advantage of the easy process of loving you. He knows to himself that he isn't the one for you and yet your naive self nourishing these pain brought by such rejection.
Your young self deserves sorry for those unfavorable times you put a value on the words of the man that once scarred your heart. Now that you were more mature, the whole thing dreaded you.
It is our inborn right to have our own happiness. Only if you had waited enough in your youth before you said hello to the first guy who approached you before. It makes a lot different if you had just pursued your dream instead of waiting for his call. It would be easy now to love someone had those things were just on the time you are already ready for a relationship.
Your wait can be longer now because of the tainted version of love you had in the past but this does not mean you aren't going to find one. The love you want is just around you. It is waiting for you to be ready, be calm and receptive enough for the best. You know you are with the right guy when you are no longer scared to love him because love exceeds more than your fear. Your trust of him shall be greater than the fear of having betrayed again. This is worth the wait!
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